[OT] Isn't old age grand?

Jim Thompson · May 14, 2004

Isn't old age grand?

Found out this morning that the combination of polio, as a child, and
arthritis, now, has degenerated my left hip joint to nearly the point
of needing a replacement :-(

The humor, though, is on the pain-pill prescription:

Take one tablet daily BY MOUTH.

Is there someone in the world who would try a different orifice ?

480)460-2350 | |
| E-mail Address at Website Fax

Leon Heller · May 14, 2004

"Jim Thompson" <thegreatone@example.com> wrote in message
news:lhaaa0pn6k9ch8rhub88g2lvb7951rpak9@4ax.com...

Isn't old age grand?

Found out this morning that the combination of polio, as a child, and
arthritis, now, has degenerated my left hip joint to nearly the point
of needing a replacement :-(

The humor, though, is on the pain-pill prescription:

Take one tablet daily BY MOUTH.

Is there someone in the world who would try a different orifice ?

Yes, I believe that suppositories are popular for pain relief on the
continent.

Leon
--
Leon Heller, G1HSM
http://www.geocities.com/leon_heller

Nico Coesel · May 14, 2004

Jim Thompson <thegreatone@example.com> wrote:

Isn't old age grand?

Found out this morning that the combination of polio, as a child, and
arthritis, now, has degenerated my left hip joint to nearly the point
of needing a replacement :-(

Mmm, that's not a major operation these days. Even my 83 year old
grandfather had his hip replaced a few years ago.

The humor, though, is on the pain-pill prescription:

Take one tablet daily BY MOUTH.

Is there someone in the world who would try a different orifice ?

Try to have a small child eat a pill, especially when it is sick. The
orifice on the other end is far less prone to protests and spitting
the pill back in your hands. Enough said...

--
Reply to nico@nctdevpuntnl (punt=.)
Bedrijven en winkels vindt U op www.adresboekje.nl

Jim Thompson · May 14, 2004

On Fri, 14 May 2004 20:53:29 GMT, nico@puntnl.niks (Nico Coesel)
wrote:

Jim Thompson <thegreatone@example.com> wrote:

Isn't old age grand?

Found out this morning that the combination of polio, as a child, and
arthritis, now, has degenerated my left hip joint to nearly the point
of needing a replacement :-(

Mmm, that's not a major operation these days. Even my 83 year old
grandfather had his hip replaced a few years ago.

I hope you are right. My (nearly) 86 year old father still has his
original joints, but then he never had polio.

The humor, though, is on the pain-pill prescription:

Take one tablet daily BY MOUTH.

Is there someone in the world who would try a different orifice ?

Try to have a small child eat a pill, especially when it is sick. The
orifice on the other end is far less prone to protests and spitting
the pill back in your hands. Enough said...

480)460-2350 | |
| E-mail Address at Website Fax

James Beck · May 14, 2004

In article <40a52c4a$0$25317$cc9e4d1f@news-text.dial.pipex.com>,
leon_heller@hotmail.com says...

"Jim Thompson" <thegreatone@example.com> wrote in message
news:lhaaa0pn6k9ch8rhub88g2lvb7951rpak9@4ax.com...
Isn't old age grand?

Found out this morning that the combination of polio, as a child, and
arthritis, now, has degenerated my left hip joint to nearly the point
of needing a replacement :-(

The humor, though, is on the pain-pill prescription:

Take one tablet daily BY MOUTH.

Is there someone in the world who would try a different orifice ?

Yes, I believe that suppositories are popular for pain relief on the
continent.

Leon

Overheard patient doctor conversation :
"For all the good those suppositories did, I coulda' shoved 'em up my
ass."

Leon Heller · May 14, 2004

"James Beck" <jim@reallykillersystems.com> wrote in message
news:MPG.1b0efd758cc0441b989986@news.east.earthlink.net...

In article <40a52c4a$0$25317$cc9e4d1f@news-text.dial.pipex.com>,
leon_heller@hotmail.com says...
"Jim Thompson" <thegreatone@example.com> wrote in message
news:lhaaa0pn6k9ch8rhub88g2lvb7951rpak9@4ax.com...
Isn't old age grand?

Found out this morning that the combination of polio, as a child, and
arthritis, now, has degenerated my left hip joint to nearly the point
of needing a replacement :-(

The humor, though, is on the pain-pill prescription:

Take one tablet daily BY MOUTH.

Is there someone in the world who would try a different orifice ?

Yes, I believe that suppositories are popular for pain relief on the
continent.

Leon

Overheard patient doctor conversation :
"For all the good those suppositories did, I coulda' shoved 'em up my
ass."

An old joke (I think it was in a Carry On film):

Girl to doctor: "I've tried the Pill but it doesn't work - they keep falling
out!"

Leon
--
Leon Heller, G1HSM
http://www.geocities.com/leon_heller

Bob Stephens · May 14, 2004

On Fri, 14 May 2004 21:30:02 +0100, Leon Heller wrote:

"Jim Thompson" <thegreatone@example.com> wrote in message
news:lhaaa0pn6k9ch8rhub88g2lvb7951rpak9@4ax.com...
Isn't old age grand?

Found out this morning that the combination of polio, as a child, and
arthritis, now, has degenerated my left hip joint to nearly the point
of needing a replacement :-(

The humor, though, is on the pain-pill prescription:

Take one tablet daily BY MOUTH.

Is there someone in the world who would try a different orifice ?

Yes, I believe that suppositories are popular for pain relief on the
continent.

Leon

But not the incontinent. ;O~
--
"Just machines that make big decisions
programmed by fellas with compassion and vision."
-D. Fagen
(remove yomama)

John Fields · May 14, 2004

On Fri, 14 May 2004 13:24:49 -0700, Jim Thompson
<thegreatone@example.com> wrote:

Isn't old age grand?

Found out this morning that the combination of polio, as a child, and
arthritis, now, has degenerated my left hip joint to nearly the point
of needing a replacement :-(

---
Bummer... Sorry to hear about it.

--
John Fields

Jim Thompson · May 14, 2004

On Fri, 14 May 2004 18:27:44 -0500, John Fields
<jfields@austininstruments.com> wrote:

On Fri, 14 May 2004 13:24:49 -0700, Jim Thompson
thegreatone@example.com> wrote:

Isn't old age grand?

Found out this morning that the combination of polio, as a child, and
arthritis, now, has degenerated my left hip joint to nearly the point
of needing a replacement :-(

---
Bummer... Sorry to hear about it.

Oh well, such is life ;-)

Actually I'm going to dawdle for a few months 'til I qualify for
Medicare and let the Feds give back a few pennies on the dollar of the
*hundreds* of thousands I've coughed up in the past. (My personal
health insurance is $5000 deductible.)

...Jim Thompson
--
| James E.Thompson, P.E. | mens |
| Analog Innovations, Inc. | et |
| Analog/Mixed-Signal ASIC's and Discrete Systems | manus |
| Phoenix, Arizona Voice

480)460-2350 | |
| E-mail Address at Website Fax

Paul Hovnanian P.E. · May 15, 2004

Leon Heller wrote:

"James Beck" <jim@reallykillersystems.com> wrote in message
news:MPG.1b0efd758cc0441b989986@news.east.earthlink.net...
In article <40a52c4a$0$25317$cc9e4d1f@news-text.dial.pipex.com>,
leon_heller@hotmail.com says...
"Jim Thompson" <thegreatone@example.com> wrote in message
news:lhaaa0pn6k9ch8rhub88g2lvb7951rpak9@4ax.com...
Isn't old age grand?

Found out this morning that the combination of polio, as a child, and
arthritis, now, has degenerated my left hip joint to nearly the point
of needing a replacement :-(

The humor, though, is on the pain-pill prescription:

Take one tablet daily BY MOUTH.

Is there someone in the world who would try a different orifice ?

Yes, I believe that suppositories are popular for pain relief on the
continent.

Leon

Overheard patient doctor conversation :
"For all the good those suppositories did, I coulda' shoved 'em up my
ass."

An old joke (I think it was in a Carry On film):

Girl to doctor: "I've tried the Pill but it doesn't work - they keep falling
out!"

They work best when held tightly between the knees.

--
Paul Hovnanian mailto

aul@Hovnanian.com
note to spammers: a Washington State resident
------------------------------------------------------------------
If you are going to try cross-country skiing,
start with a small country.

Paul Hovnanian P.E. · May 15, 2004

Nico Coesel wrote:

Jim Thompson <thegreatone@example.com> wrote:

Isn't old age grand?

Found out this morning that the combination of polio, as a child, and
arthritis, now, has degenerated my left hip joint to nearly the point
of needing a replacement :-(

Mmm, that's not a major operation these days. Even my 83 year old
grandfather had his hip replaced a few years ago.

The humor, though, is on the pain-pill prescription:

Take one tablet daily BY MOUTH.

Is there someone in the world who would try a different orifice ?

Try to have a small child eat a pill, especially when it is sick. The
orifice on the other end is far less prone to protests and spitting
the pill back in your hands. Enough said...

HOW TO GIVE YOUR CAT A PILL

1. Pick up cat and cradle it in the crook of your left arm as if
holding a
baby. Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of cat's mouth
and gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in right hand.
As
cat opens mouth, pop pill into mouth. Allow cat to close mouth and
swallow.

2. Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa. Cradle cat in
left
arm and repeat process.

3. Retrieve cat from bedroom and throw soggy pill away.

4. Take new pill from foil wrap, cradle cat in left arm, holding rear
paws
tightly with left hand. Force jaws open and push pill to back of mouth
with right forefinger. Hold mouth shut for a count of ten.

5. Retrieve pill from goldfish bowl and cat from top of wardrobe. Call
spouse from garden.

6. Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between knees, hold front and
rear paws. Ignore low growls emitted by cat. Get spouse to hold head
firmly with one hand while forcing wooden ruler into mouth. Drop pill
down
ruler and rub cat's throat vigorously.

7. Retrieve cat from curtain rail, get another pill from foil wrap.
Make
note to buy new ruler and repair curtains. Carefully sweep shattered
figurines and vases from hearth and set to one side for gluing later.

8. Wrap cat in large towel and get spouse to lie on cat with head just
visible from below armpit. Put pill in end of drinking straw, force
mouth
open with pencil and blow down drinking straw.

9. Check label to make sure pill not harmful to humans, drink one beer
to
take taste away. Apply Band-Aid to spouse's forearm and remove blood
from
carpet with cold water and soap.

10. Retrieve cat from neighbor's shed. Get another pill. Open another
beer. Place cat in cupboard, and close door on neck, to leave head
showing. Force mouth open with dessert spoon. Flick pill down throat
with
elastic band.

11. Fetch screwdriver from garage and put cupboard door back on
hinges. Drink beer. Fetch bottles of Scotch. Pour shot, drink. Apply
cold compress to cheek and check records for date of last tetanus
shot. Apply whiskey compress to cheek to disinfect. Toss back another
shot. Throw T-shirt away and fetch new one from bedroom.

12. Call fire department to retrieve the damn cat from across the
road. Apologize to neighbor who crashed into fence while swerving to
avoid
cat. Take last pill from foil wrap.

13. Tie the little bastard's front paws to rear paws with garden twine
and
bind tightly to leg of dining table. Find heavy-duty pruning gloves
from
shed. Push pill into mouth followed by large piece of filet steak. Be
rough about it. Hold head vertically and pour two pints of water down
throat to wash pill down.

14. Consume remainder of Scotch. Get spouse to drive you to the
emergency
room, sit quietly while doctor stitches fingers and forearm and removes
pill remnants from right eye. Call furniture shop on way home to order
new
table.

15. Arrange for SPCA to collect mutant cat from Hell and call local pet
shop to see if they have any hamsters.

HOW TO GIVE YOUR DOG A PILL

1. Wrap pill in bacon or hamburger.

2. Toss it in the air.

--
Paul Hovnanian mailto

aul@Hovnanian.com
note to spammers: a Washington State resident
------------------------------------------------------------------
Opinions stated herein are the sole property of the author. Standard
disclaimers apply. All rights reserved. No user serviceable components
inside. Contents under pressure; do not incinerate. Always wear adequate
eye protection. Do not mold, findle or sputilate.

Nico Coesel · May 15, 2004

Jim Thompson <thegreatone@example.com> wrote:

On Fri, 14 May 2004 20:53:29 GMT, nico@puntnl.niks (Nico Coesel)
wrote:

Jim Thompson <thegreatone@example.com> wrote:

Isn't old age grand?

Found out this morning that the combination of polio, as a child, and
arthritis, now, has degenerated my left hip joint to nearly the point
of needing a replacement :-(

Mmm, that's not a major operation these days. Even my 83 year old
grandfather had his hip replaced a few years ago.

I hope you are right. My (nearly) 86 year old father still has his
original joints, but then he never had polio.

Over here there are -more or less- specialised hospitals for fixing
hips and knees. In most cases they perform the operation only with
local anaesthesia. If you get a good doctor and the operation goes
well, you'll be back on your feet in 3 or 4 days.

--
Reply to nico@nctdevpuntnl (punt=.)
Bedrijven en winkels vindt U op www.adresboekje.nl

Active8 · May 15, 2004

On Fri, 14 May 2004 13:24:49 -0700, Jim Thompson wrote:

Isn't old age grand?

Found out this morning that the combination of polio, as a child, and
arthritis, now, has degenerated my left hip joint to nearly the point
of needing a replacement :-(

The humor, though, is on the pain-pill prescription:

Take one tablet daily BY MOUTH.

Is there someone in the world who would try a different orifice ?

...Jim Thompson

A kid might grind it up and snort it.
--
Best Regards,
Mike

Active8 · May 15, 2004

On Fri, 14 May 2004 22:28:50 -0700, Paul Hovnanian P.E. wrote:

<snip the stuff that left my jaw hurtin' and my eyes nearly
watering>

15. Arrange for SPCA to collect mutant cat from Hell and call local pet
shop to see if they have any hamsters.

F that. At this point, I'd just stick the cat's paws in peanut
butter and let the pussy claw itself to death trying to get it out
of it's friggin' mouth.

HOW TO GIVE YOUR DOG A PILL

1. Wrap pill in bacon or hamburger.

2. Toss it in the air.

You forgot the pettin'.
--
Best Regards,
Mike

Jim Thompson · May 15, 2004

On Fri, 14 May 2004 22:28:50 -0700, "Paul Hovnanian P.E."
<Paul@Hovnanian.com> wrote:

[snip]

HOW TO GIVE YOUR DOG A PILL

1. Wrap pill in bacon or hamburger.

2. Toss it in the air.

Doesn't seem to work with my old Dachshund. He's an expert at chewing
anything while leaving the pill intact. What I do now is mortar and
pestle his pill and stir thoroughly into his food.

...Jim Thompson
--
| James E.Thompson, P.E. | mens |
| Analog Innovations, Inc. | et |
| Analog/Mixed-Signal ASIC's and Discrete Systems | manus |
| Phoenix, Arizona Voice

480)460-2350 | |
| E-mail Address at Website Fax

Fred Bloggs · May 15, 2004

Jim Thompson wrote:

Isn't old age grand?

Found out this morning that the combination of polio, as a child, and
arthritis, now, has degenerated my left hip joint to nearly the point
of needing a replacement :-(

The humor, though, is on the pain-pill prescription:

Take one tablet daily BY MOUTH.

Is there someone in the world who would try a different orifice ?

...Jim Thompson

Who knows? But that damned pain pill may numb your thinking processes
too- cause you to make all kinds of dumb mistakes in your detailed work-
so watch for that.

Jim Thompson · May 15, 2004

On Sat, 15 May 2004 15:14:54 GMT, Fred Bloggs <nospam@nospam.com>
wrote:

Jim Thompson wrote:
Isn't old age grand?

Found out this morning that the combination of polio, as a child, and
arthritis, now, has degenerated my left hip joint to nearly the point
of needing a replacement :-(

The humor, though, is on the pain-pill prescription:

Take one tablet daily BY MOUTH.

Is there someone in the world who would try a different orifice ?

...Jim Thompson

Who knows? But that damned pain pill may numb your thinking processes
too- cause you to make all kinds of dumb mistakes in your detailed work-
so watch for that.

480)460-2350 | |
| E-mail Address at Website Fax

Steve Roberts · May 15, 2004

Jim Thompson <thegreatone@example.com> wrote in message news:<1dnaa0pdacg568e140c9ftl16vhrkh9u87@4ax.com>...

On Fri, 14 May 2004 18:27:44 -0500, John Fields
jfields@austininstruments.com> wrote:

On Fri, 14 May 2004 13:24:49 -0700, Jim Thompson
thegreatone@example.com> wrote:

Actually I'm going to dawdle for a few months 'til I qualify for
Medicare and let the Feds give back a few pennies on the dollar of the
*hundreds* of thousands I've coughed up in the past. (My personal
health insurance is $5000 deductible.)

...Jim Thompson

Jim, you might want to talk to some folks on medicare before you do
that,
the requirments of accepting medicare/medicade can be much more severe
then you think, they may ask you to spend down your personal fortune,
especially if there are complications and you need rehab time outside
the 30 day hospital limit. write off those hundreds of thousands, you
dont ever get that back, not even .0001%. The politicans have
discovered how to raid senior citizen's savings long ago.

Seriously,
I wish you good health and a sucessful replacement!

begin rant:

I am the ghost of Christmas past. My folks went from having a
~350,000$ personal fortune + retirement to Dad in the nursing home and
mom allowed just ~400$ a month social security and about 40,000$ in
personal money for the rest of her life in less then two years. Of
course it didnt help that it was the heart surgeon who goofed and gave
him the wrong meds, nor the fault of the ER interns who couldnt reach
the pharmacy at the other hospital to find the mistake at 2 am in the
morning. This all could have been prevented with simple smart cards, I
wish the med bunch would use them for personal transportable records,
but they are too scared of the "liability" of doing things right.

Now the county administration that administers the "benefits"
audits her spending and holdings every three months. The paperwork she
files is huge and most attornies don't know a thing about the rules or
are badly misinformed. In fact it can be a felony here for the lawyer
to help you try to keep your money. Ask a skilled and current licensed
and PRACTICING social worker, then a lawyer. Lawyers rarely do this
kind of work. Most lawyers refused to even talk about asset
preservation after the fact.

We're talking a nice state here, Ohio, not massa2chits or the PRK.
She went from middle class to pauper fast. At least the half of dad's
brains that still work are not aware of how much hard earned money
that went into the medical system to pad corporate pockets or he would
have another stroke.

Now what happened to my dad and mom is the worse case situation, but
don't do the Fed thing unless your very careful. Oh and all those
helpful agenecies like the veteran's admin etc that you think will
help you out, they work together to avoid spending and the rules are
draconian. They will tell you where you can live (it may not be your
home!) and what car you can own. They may order the sale of the
property under certain conditions. In fact at one point, she would
have been better off to divorce and abandon Dad to the state, then she
would to have stayed married and retain authority over his care.

I went from democrat to republican fast over this!, Not that it
matters!

end rant

For the rest who read this in the US, get a good lawyer and set up a
proper trust about 4-5 years before you plan to retire on Social
Security, especially if you plan to pass anything on to your kids.
Trust may not even be the correct term for it these days.There is
this nasty little 3 year rule, they go back three years on your
finanaces if you apply for medicade. It can have profound
consequences.

And rules, there are no rules, they seem to make it up as they go at
the local level. There is no detailed rule book available to you from
the folks who actually do the administration and it can change from
month to month.

Steve Roberts

Active8 · May 16, 2004

On Sat, 15 May 2004 08:41:53 -0700, Jim Thompson wrote:

On Sat, 15 May 2004 15:14:54 GMT, Fred Bloggs <nospam@nospam.com
wrote:

Jim Thompson wrote:
Isn't old age grand?

Found out this morning that the combination of polio, as a child, and
arthritis, now, has degenerated my left hip joint to nearly the point
of needing a replacement :-(

The humor, though, is on the pain-pill prescription:

Take one tablet daily BY MOUTH.

Is there someone in the world who would try a different orifice ?

...Jim Thompson

Who knows? But that damned pain pill may numb your thinking processes
too- cause you to make all kinds of dumb mistakes in your detailed work-
so watch for that.

I used the wrong word, it's an NSAID, diclofenac sodium.

...Jim Thompson

How to broach a delicate subject - someone's health.

First, let me wish you well. I'm sure you'll be fine. The
advancements in joint replacements are amazing, I'd say. I heard a
rumor lately about 15 year (?) lifetime of the joint. Dunno. Maybe
they quoted him for the basement bargain model.

My mother had a knee replacement. She didn't listen to the docs and
blew off the exercizes, etc. and though she could walk, she always
complained about the pain. Other factors complicated/exacerbated the
problem.

The good news is that a man from her senior center, 5 or so years
older and very fat, had the same operation. I saw him dancing his
ass off (is there a gluteous maximus replacement?) at a party.

So. See ya on the dance floor, ol' boy.
--
Best Regards,
Mike

Rene Tschaggelar · May 16, 2004

Jim Thompson wrote:

Isn't old age grand?

Found out this morning that the combination of polio, as a child, and
arthritis, now, has degenerated my left hip joint to nearly the point
of needing a replacement :-(

It really takes some humour to get up in the morning to not take
the rheumatism serious ... there is no joint to be replaced
unfortunately.

Rene

[OT] Isn't old age grand?

Jim Thompson

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