OT: Aircraft jokes

"James T. White" wrote:

An airline pilot wrote that on this particular flight he had hammered his
ship into the runway really hard. The airline had a policy which required
the first officer to stand at the door while the Passengers exited, smile,
and give them a "Thanks for flying XYZ airline." He said that in light of
his bad landing, he had a hard time looking the passengers in the eye,
thinking that someone would have a smart comment. Finally everyone had
gotten off except for this little old lady walking with a cane. She said,
"Sonny, mind if I ask you a question?" "Why no Ma'am," said the pilot, "what
is it?" The little old lady said, "Did we land or were we shot down?"
Click to expand...
On the subject of hard landings, on one BA flight to Bombay our arrival was less
than perfect, although it didn't bother me especially.

One of flight crew came on the PA to apologise on account of " ....we were
trying to miss the dog crossing the runway ".

On another flight there ( also with BA as it happens ) we were held in the
'pattern' for about an hour before landing. Very unusual. Upon landing the Capt
came on the PA to advise us ( wisely after the event ) that the delay was due to
the radar being out !

Graham
 
Not too long ago the New Zealand government rationalised their
military expenditure, putting a strain on the ANZUS alliance. This is
what is left of NZ's airforce:

http://members.optusnet.com.au/~fzabkar/NZFIGHTERPLANE.jpg

More jokes:
http://groups-beta.google.com/group/aus.jokes/msg/fa8de168b05c5da7?dmode=source
http://groups-beta.google.com/group/aus.jokes/msg/6efce9215ca6c295?dmode=source


- Franc Zabkar
--
Please remove one 's' from my address when replying by email.
 
Franc Zabkar <fzabkar@optussnet.com.au> wrote in
news:nmip315ksbr2pg4m6h5kj4ktq7ej3t57lj@4ax.com:

Not too long ago the New Zealand government rationalised their
military expenditure, putting a strain on the ANZUS alliance. This is
what is left of NZ's airforce:

http://members.optusnet.com.au/~fzabkar/NZFIGHTERPLANE.jpg
Click to expand...
Then there's always the aussie army...
http://homepages.kcbbs.gen.nz/moby/sheep.jpg
M
 
On Sun, 20 Mar 2005 09:53:57 GMT, Mike Diack
<moby@kcbbs.gen.middleearth> put finger to keyboard and composed:

Franc Zabkar <fzabkar@optussnet.com.au> wrote in
news:nmip315ksbr2pg4m6h5kj4ktq7ej3t57lj@4ax.com:

Not too long ago the New Zealand government rationalised their
military expenditure, putting a strain on the ANZUS alliance. This is
what is left of NZ's airforce:

http://members.optusnet.com.au/~fzabkar/NZFIGHTERPLANE.jpg

Then there's always the aussie army...
http://homepages.kcbbs.gen.nz/moby/sheep.jpg
M
Click to expand...
It's still vulnerable to an attack from behind. I'm guessing NZ sheep
would have rearward facing armaments. :)


- Franc Zabkar
--
Please remove one 's' from my address when replying by email.
 
This is what is left of NZ's airforce:
http://members.optusnet.com.au/~fzabkar/NZFIGHTERPLANE.jpg
Franc Zabkar
Click to expand...
Funny...less so if you kmow that tail codes denote squadrons:
http://www.google.com/search?q=55th-Fighter-Squadron+Shaw-Air-Force-Base+South-Carolina+tail-code-SW
 
Practical jokers at Heathrow Airport:
http://members.optusnet.com.au/~fzabkar/Heathrow.doc (518KB)


- Franc Zabkar
--
Please remove one 's' from my address when replying by email.
 
"Pooh Bear" <rabbitsfriendsandrelations@hotmail.com> wrote in message
news:423C5BE6.C0BA3BFE@hotmail.com...
"James T. White" wrote:

An airline pilot wrote that on this particular flight he had hammered
his
ship into the runway really hard. The airline had a policy which
required
the first officer to stand at the door while the Passengers exited,
smile,
and give them a "Thanks for flying XYZ airline." He said that in light
of
his bad landing, he had a hard time looking the passengers in the eye,
thinking that someone would have a smart comment. Finally everyone had
gotten off except for this little old lady walking with a cane. She
said,
"Sonny, mind if I ask you a question?" "Why no Ma'am," said the pilot,
"what
is it?" The little old lady said, "Did we land or were we shot down?"

On the subject of hard landings, on one BA flight to Bombay our arrival
was less
than perfect, although it didn't bother me especially.

One of flight crew came on the PA to apologise on account of " ....we
were
trying to miss the dog crossing the runway ".

On another flight there ( also with BA as it happens ) we were held in the
'pattern' for about an hour before landing. Very unusual. Upon landing the
Capt
came on the PA to advise us ( wisely after the event ) that the delay was
due to
the radar being out !

Graham

My first visit to the US was on a 707 into New York (Kennedy).
Click to expand...
That probably dates it pretty well....

We seemed to be getting awfully low over the sea, and I recall
looking out at a couple of guys fishing, and thinking I shouldn't be able
to see quite that much detail from a plane.

We _just_ cleared the perimeter fence (I was paying quite a lot of
attention by now), and thumped into the tarmac quite hard. I probably
imagined this, but it seemed to me that reverse thrust happened actually
before we touched down. Anyway, full reverse thrust, braking heavily,
then while still braking we made a sharp turn off the runway (came
very close to the outer engine hitting the tarmac).

Then everything calmed down. The guy sitting next to me was quite
amused by my reaction, and explained that there was a turn off half
way down the main runway, and if the plane had not managed to make
that, it woud have had to go the full length of the runway, then taxi
back, which would add 10 minutes or so.

Regards
Ian
 
I was flying from San Francisco to Los Angeles. By the time we took off, there
had been a 45-minute delay and everybody on board was ticked. Unexpectedly, we
stopped in Sacramento on the way. The flight attendant explained that there
would be another 45-minute delay, and if we wanted to get off the aircraft, we
would reboard in thirty minutes.

Everybody got off the plane except one gentleman who was blind. I noticed him as
I walked by and could tell he had flown before because his seeing eye dog lay
quietly underneath the seats in front of him throughout the entire flight. I
could also tell he had flown this very flight before because the pilot
approached him and, calling him by name, said, "Keith, we're in Sacramento for
almost an hour. Would you like to get off and stretch your legs?"

Keith replied, "No thanks, but maybe my dog would like to stretch his legs.
Would you take him for me please?"

Now picture this. All the people in the gate area came to a completely quiet
standstill when they looked up and saw the pilot walk off the plane with a
seeing eye dog! The pilot was even wearing sunglasses that day. People scattered
not only trying to change planes but also trying to change airlines!
 
One from my days at Boeing:

Q: What weights nothing but, when loaded on board an airplane, can keep
it from taking off?

A: Software.

--
Paul Hovnanian mailto:paul@Hovnanian.com
------------------------------------------------------------------
Our bombs are smarter than the average high school student.
At least they can find Kuwait. - A. Whitney Brown
 
A military cargo plane, flying over a populated area, suddenly loses power and
starts to nose down. The pilot tries to pull up, but with all their cargo, the
plane is too heavy. So he yells to the soldiers in back to throw things out to
make the plane lighter. They throw out a pistol. "Throw out more!" shouts the
pilot. So they throw out a rifle. "More!" he cries again. They heave out a
missile, and the pilot regains control.

He pulls out of the dive and lands safely at an airport. They get into a jeep
and drive off, looking for their lost goods. Pretty soon they meet a boy on the
side of the road who's crying. They ask him why he's crying and he says "A
pistol hit me on the head!"

They drive more and meet another boy who's crying even harder. Again they ask
why and the boy says, "A rifle hit me on the head!"

They apologize and keep driving. They meet a boy on the sidewalk who's laughing
hysterically. They ask him, "Kid, what's so funny?" The boy replies, "I sneezed
and a house blew up!"
 
On Tue, 22 Mar 2005 18:29:06 -0500, Mark Jones wrote:

A military cargo plane, flying over a populated area, suddenly loses power and
starts to nose down. The pilot tries to pull up, but with all their cargo, the
plane is too heavy. So he yells to the soldiers in back to throw things out to
make the plane lighter. They throw out a pistol. "Throw out more!" shouts the
pilot. So they throw out a rifle. "More!" he cries again. They heave out a
missile, and the pilot regains control.

He pulls out of the dive and lands safely at an airport. They get into a jeep
and drive off, looking for their lost goods. Pretty soon they meet a boy on the
side of the road who's crying. They ask him why he's crying and he says "A
pistol hit me on the head!"

They drive more and meet another boy who's crying even harder. Again they ask
why and the boy says, "A rifle hit me on the head!"

They apologize and keep driving. They meet a boy on the sidewalk who's laughing
hysterically. They ask him, "Kid, what's so funny?" The boy replies, "I sneezed
and a house blew up!"
Click to expand...
It'd have been much funnier if he'd farted.
--
Pig Bladder on a Stick
 
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