OT: Aircraft jokes

M

martin griffith

Guest
1
There's a story about the military pilot calling for a priority
landing because his single-engine jet fighter was running "a bit
peaked." Air Traffic Control told the fighter jock that he was number
two, behind an eight-engined B-52 that had one engine shut down. "Ah,"
the fighter pilot remarked, "the dreaded seven-engine approach."
..................................................................................................
2

Tower: "Eastern 702, cleared for takeoff, contact Departure on
frequency 124.7"

Eastern 702: "Tower, Eastern 702 switching to Departure. By the way,
after we lifted off we saw some kind of dead animal on the far end of
the runway."

Tower: "Continental 635, cleared for takeoff behind Eastern 702,
contact Departure on frequency 124.7. Did you copy that report from
Eastern 702?"

Continental 635: "Continental 635, cleared for takeoff, roger...and
yes, we copied Eastern. We've already notified our caterers."
.....................................................................................................

3

"TWA 2341, for noise abatement turn right 45 Degrees."

"Center, we are at 35,000 feet. How much noise can we make up here?"

"Sir, have you ever heard the noise a 747 makes when it hits a 727?"

martin

"An eye for an eye makes the whole world blind"
Gandhi
 
martin griffith wrote:
1
There's a story about the military pilot calling for a priority
landing because his single-engine jet fighter was running "a bit
peaked." Air Traffic Control told the fighter jock that he was number
two, behind an eight-engined B-52 that had one engine shut down. "Ah,"
the fighter pilot remarked, "the dreaded seven-engine approach."
.................................................................................................
2

Tower: "Eastern 702, cleared for takeoff, contact Departure on
frequency 124.7"

Eastern 702: "Tower, Eastern 702 switching to Departure. By the way,
after we lifted off we saw some kind of dead animal on the far end of
the runway."

Tower: "Continental 635, cleared for takeoff behind Eastern 702,
contact Departure on frequency 124.7. Did you copy that report from
Eastern 702?"

Continental 635: "Continental 635, cleared for takeoff, roger...and
yes, we copied Eastern. We've already notified our caterers."
....................................................................................................

3

"TWA 2341, for noise abatement turn right 45 Degrees."

"Center, we are at 35,000 feet. How much noise can we make up here?"

"Sir, have you ever heard the noise a 747 makes when it hits a 727?"

martin

"An eye for an eye makes the whole world blind"
Gandhi
Click to expand...
ROTFLMAO! More, more...

Cheers
Terry
 
On Tue, 15 Mar 2005 10:01:57 +1300, in sci.electronics.design Terry
Given <my_name@ieee.org> wrote:

martin griffith wrote:

1
There's a story about the military pilot calling for a priority
landing because his single-engine jet fighter was running "a bit
peaked." Air Traffic Control told the fighter jock that he was number
two, behind an eight-engined B-52 that had one engine shut down. "Ah,"
the fighter pilot remarked, "the dreaded seven-engine approach."
.................................................................................................
2

Tower: "Eastern 702, cleared for takeoff, contact Departure on
frequency 124.7"

Eastern 702: "Tower, Eastern 702 switching to Departure. By the way,
after we lifted off we saw some kind of dead animal on the far end of
the runway."

Tower: "Continental 635, cleared for takeoff behind Eastern 702,
contact Departure on frequency 124.7. Did you copy that report from
Eastern 702?"

Continental 635: "Continental 635, cleared for takeoff, roger...and
yes, we copied Eastern. We've already notified our caterers."
....................................................................................................

3

"TWA 2341, for noise abatement turn right 45 Degrees."

"Center, we are at 35,000 feet. How much noise can we make up here?"

"Sir, have you ever heard the noise a 747 makes when it hits a 727?"

martin

"An eye for an eye makes the whole world blind"
Gandhi

ROTFLMAO! More, more...

Cheers
Terry
While taxiing at London's Gatwick Airport, the crew of a US Air flight
Click to expand...
departing for Ft. Lauderdale made a wrong turn and came nose to nose
with a United 727. An irate female ATC ground controller lashed out at

the US Air crew, screaming: "US Air 2771, where the hell are you
going? I told you to turn right onto Charlie taxiway! You turned right
on Delta! Stop right there. I know it's difficult for you to tell the
difference between C and D, but get it right!"

Continuing her rage to the embarrassed crew, she was now shouting
hysterically: "God! Now you've screwed everything up! It'll take
forever to sort this out! You stay right there and don't move till I
tell you to! You can expect progressive taxi instructions in about
half an hour and I want you to go exactly where I tell you, when I
tell you, and how I tell you! You got that, US Air 2771?"

"Yes, ma'am," the humbled crew responded.

Naturally, the ground control communications frequency fell terribly
silent after the verbal bashing of US Air 2771. Nobody wanted to
chance engaging the irate ground controller in her current state of
mind. Tension in every cockpit out around Gatwick was definitely
running high.

Just then an unknown pilot broke the silence and keyed his microphone,
asking: "Wasn't I married to you once?"


martin

"An eye for an eye makes the whole world blind"
Gandhi
 
On Tue, 15 Mar 2005 10:01:57 +1300, Terry Given <my_name@ieee.org> wrote:

ROTFLMAO! More, more...

June, 2000 issue of Australian Aviation Magazine RULES OF THE AIR
Click to expand...

1. Every takeoff is optional. Every landing is mandatory.

2. If you push the stick forward, the houses get bigger. If you pull the
stick back, they get smaller. That is, unless you keep pulling the stick all
the way back, then they get bigger again.

3. Flying isn't dangerous. Crashing is what's dangerous.

4. It's always better to be down here, wishing you were up there, than up
there, wishing you were down here.

5. The ONLY time you have too much fuel is when you're on fire.

6. The propeller is just a big fan in front of the plane used to keep the
pilot cool. When it stops, you can actually watch the pilot start sweating.

7. When in doubt, hold on to your altitude. No one has ever collided with
the sky.

8. A 'good' landing is one from which you can walk away. A 'great' landing
is one after which they can use the plane again.

9. Learn from the mistakes of others. You won't live long enough to make
all of them yourself.

10. You know you've landed with the wheels up if it takes full power to taxi
to the ramp.

11. The probability of survival is inversely proportional to the angle of
arrival. Large angle of arrival, small probability of survival and vice
versa.

12. Never let an aircraft take you somewhere your brain didn't get to five
minutes earlier.

13. Stay out of clouds. The silver lining everyone keeps talking about
might be another airplane going in the opposite direction. Reliable sources
also report that mountains have been known to hide out in clouds.

14. Always try to keep the number of landings you make equal to the number
of take offs you've made.

15. There are three simple rules for making a smooth landing. Unfortunately,
no one knows what they are.

16. You start with a bag full of luck and an empty bag of experience. The
trick is to fill the bag of experience before you empty the bag of luck.

17. Helicopters can't fly; they're just so ugly the earth repels them.

18. If all you can see out of the window is ground that's going round and
round and all you can hear is commotion coming from the passenger
compartment, things are not at all as they should be.

19. In the ongoing battle between objects made of aluminum going hundreds of
miles per hour and the ground going zero miles per hour, the ground has yet
to lose.

20. Good judgment comes from experience. Unfortunately, the experience
usually comes from bad judgment.

21. It's always a good idea to keep the pointy end going forward as much as
possible.

22. Keep looking around. There's always something you've missed.

23. Remember, gravity is not just a good idea. It's the law. And it's not
subject to repeal.

24. The three most useless things to a pilot are the altitude above you, the
runway behind you, and a tenth of a second ago.



Regards,

Boris Mohar

Got Knock? - see:
Viatrack Printed Circuit Designs (among other things) http://www.viatrack.ca
 
mike-nospam@darrettenterprises.com wrote:
Terry Given wrote:

martin griffith wrote:

1
There's a story about the military pilot calling for a priority
landing because his single-engine jet fighter was running "a bit
peaked." Air Traffic Control told the fighter jock that he was

number

two, behind an eight-engined B-52 that had one engine shut down.

"Ah,"

the fighter pilot remarked, "the dreaded seven-engine approach."


.................................................................................................

2

Tower: "Eastern 702, cleared for takeoff, contact Departure on
frequency 124.7"

Eastern 702: "Tower, Eastern 702 switching to Departure. By the

way,

after we lifted off we saw some kind of dead animal on the far end

of

the runway."

Tower: "Continental 635, cleared for takeoff behind Eastern 702,
contact Departure on frequency 124.7. Did you copy that report from
Eastern 702?"

Continental 635: "Continental 635, cleared for takeoff, roger...and
yes, we copied Eastern. We've already notified our caterers."


....................................................................................................

3

"TWA 2341, for noise abatement turn right 45 Degrees."

"Center, we are at 35,000 feet. How much noise can we make up

here?"

"Sir, have you ever heard the noise a 747 makes when it hits a

727?"

martin

"An eye for an eye makes the whole world blind"
Gandhi

ROTFLMAO! More, more...

Cheers
Terry



Mechanical engineer (ex-roommate) had a joke:

Q: What's the closest a Civil Engineer comes to Aerospace Engineering?
A: A crashed airplane. It doesn't move...
Click to expand...
Whats the difference between a mechanical enggineer and a civil engineer?

Mechanical engineers build weapons, civil engineers build targets

While not an aircraft joke...

An electrical engineer is walking down the road, when he sees a frog on
the road. The frog says, "I'm really a supermodel in disguise; if you
kiss me, the curse will be lifted, and I'll be your girlfriend for a
day." The engineer smiles, picks up the frog, and keeps walking.

"Didn't you hear what I said?" the frog said. "Ok, fine. I'll be your
girlfriend for a year if you kiss me and release me from this curse."
The engineer smiles, and keeps walking.

"Ok, fine, I'll marry you!" the frog says. The engineer smiles, and
keeps walking.

"What's WRONG with you?" the frog says.

The engineer says, "I'm an electrical engineer. I don't have TIME for
a girlfriend. But a talking frog... now THAT's cool."


College... ah, those were the days...

"It's too late for me, save yourselves!" -- senior chemical engineer
to freshmen chemical engineers

Mike
Click to expand...
Cheers
Terry
 
Boris Mohar wrote:
On Tue, 15 Mar 2005 10:01:57 +1300, Terry Given <my_name@ieee.org> wrote:


ROTFLMAO! More, more...


June, 2000 issue of Australian Aviation Magazine RULES OF THE AIR

1. Every takeoff is optional. Every landing is mandatory.

2. If you push the stick forward, the houses get bigger. If you pull the
stick back, they get smaller. That is, unless you keep pulling the stick all
the way back, then they get bigger again.

3. Flying isn't dangerous. Crashing is what's dangerous.

4. It's always better to be down here, wishing you were up there, than up
there, wishing you were down here.

5. The ONLY time you have too much fuel is when you're on fire.

6. The propeller is just a big fan in front of the plane used to keep the
pilot cool. When it stops, you can actually watch the pilot start sweating.

7. When in doubt, hold on to your altitude. No one has ever collided with
the sky.

8. A 'good' landing is one from which you can walk away. A 'great' landing
is one after which they can use the plane again.

9. Learn from the mistakes of others. You won't live long enough to make
all of them yourself.

10. You know you've landed with the wheels up if it takes full power to taxi
to the ramp.

11. The probability of survival is inversely proportional to the angle of
arrival. Large angle of arrival, small probability of survival and vice
versa.

12. Never let an aircraft take you somewhere your brain didn't get to five
minutes earlier.

13. Stay out of clouds. The silver lining everyone keeps talking about
might be another airplane going in the opposite direction. Reliable sources
also report that mountains have been known to hide out in clouds.

14. Always try to keep the number of landings you make equal to the number
of take offs you've made.

15. There are three simple rules for making a smooth landing. Unfortunately,
no one knows what they are.

16. You start with a bag full of luck and an empty bag of experience. The
trick is to fill the bag of experience before you empty the bag of luck.

17. Helicopters can't fly; they're just so ugly the earth repels them.

18. If all you can see out of the window is ground that's going round and
round and all you can hear is commotion coming from the passenger
compartment, things are not at all as they should be.

19. In the ongoing battle between objects made of aluminum going hundreds of
miles per hour and the ground going zero miles per hour, the ground has yet
to lose.

20. Good judgment comes from experience. Unfortunately, the experience
usually comes from bad judgment.

21. It's always a good idea to keep the pointy end going forward as much as
possible.

22. Keep looking around. There's always something you've missed.

23. Remember, gravity is not just a good idea. It's the law. And it's not
subject to repeal.

24. The three most useless things to a pilot are the altitude above you, the
runway behind you, and a tenth of a second ago.



Regards,

Boris Mohar
Click to expand...
ROTFLMAO, PIMP :)

Thanks guys, what a great start to the day.

Cheers
Terry
 
On Tue, 15 Mar 2005 10:01:57 +1300, in sci.electronics.design Terry
Given <my_name@ieee.org> wrote:

martin griffith wrote:
snip
ROTFLMAO! More, more...

Cheers
Terry
I did not fully understand the dread term 'terminal illness' until I
Click to expand...
saw Heathrow for myself.

[London] Heathrow has been described as the only building site to have
its own airport.



martin

"An eye for an eye makes the whole world blind"
Gandhi
 
martin griffith wrote:

On Tue, 15 Mar 2005 10:01:57 +1300, in sci.electronics.design Terry
Given <my_name@ieee.org> wrote:


martin griffith wrote:

snip

ROTFLMAO! More, more...

Cheers
Terry

I did not fully understand the dread term 'terminal illness' until I
saw Heathrow for myself.

[London] Heathrow has been described as the only building site to have
its own airport.
Click to expand...
Also known as 'Thiefrow Airport' for some reason...

--
Dirk

The Consensus:-
The political party for the new millenium
http://www.theconsensus.org
 
Terry Given wrote:
martin griffith wrote:


1
There's a story about the military pilot calling for a priority
landing because his single-engine jet fighter was running "a bit
peaked." Air Traffic Control told the fighter jock that he was number
two, behind an eight-engined B-52 that had one engine shut down. "Ah,"
the fighter pilot remarked, "the dreaded seven-engine approach."
.................................................................................................

2

Tower: "Eastern 702, cleared for takeoff, contact Departure on
frequency 124.7"

Eastern 702: "Tower, Eastern 702 switching to Departure. By the way,
after we lifted off we saw some kind of dead animal on the far end of
the runway."

Tower: "Continental 635, cleared for takeoff behind Eastern 702,
contact Departure on frequency 124.7. Did you copy that report from
Eastern 702?"

Continental 635: "Continental 635, cleared for takeoff, roger...and
yes, we copied Eastern. We've already notified our caterers."
....................................................................................................


3

"TWA 2341, for noise abatement turn right 45 Degrees."
"Center, we are at 35,000 feet. How much noise can we make up here?"
"Sir, have you ever heard the noise a 747 makes when it hits a 727?"

martin

"An eye for an eye makes the whole world blind"
Gandhi


ROTFLMAO! More, more...
Click to expand...
A very old classic...

Irish Pilots

As they approached Dublin number 1 runway, the tower heard

PILOT - Bjeesus will ya look how fookin shart dat runway is?
CO-PILOT - Yer nat fookin kiddin, Paddy
PILOT - Dis is ganna be one a de trickiest landings ever, Shamus
CO-PILOT - Yer nat fookin kiddin, Paddy !!
PILOT - Right, Shamus, when I say 'go' put de engine in reverse !!
CO-PILOT - Royt, Oi'll do dat !!
PILOT - An den ya put de flaps down !!
CO-PILOT - Royt, Oi'll do dat, too !!
PILOT - An den stamp an der brakes as hard as yer can an pray ta de Holy
Mudder a Gad !!!
CO-PILOT - I'm prayin already, but I'll hit de brakes as hard as I >can.

So, as the wheels hit the ground, Shamus put the engines in reverse,put
the flaps down, stamped on the brakes and continued to pray to the Holy
Mother with all his soul.The brakes screeched, the tires squealed, and
there was smoke everywhere.But, to the relief of all the passengers,
and not least of all,Paddy and Shamus, the aircraft came to a stop but
a few meters from the end of the runway!!!

As Paddy and Shamus sat in the cockpit regaining somecomposure, Paddy
looked out of the window and said to Shamus,"Dat has gat ta be de
shartist fookin runway in de world!"

Shamus replied, "Yes, but da ya see how fookin wide it is ??
Click to expand...
Chris
 
Terry Given wrote:
martin griffith wrote:


1
There's a story about the military pilot calling for a priority
landing because his single-engine jet fighter was running "a bit
peaked." Air Traffic Control told the fighter jock that he was number
two, behind an eight-engined B-52 that had one engine shut down. "Ah,"
the fighter pilot remarked, "the dreaded seven-engine approach."
.................................................................................................

2

Tower: "Eastern 702, cleared for takeoff, contact Departure on
frequency 124.7"

Eastern 702: "Tower, Eastern 702 switching to Departure. By the way,
after we lifted off we saw some kind of dead animal on the far end of
the runway."

Tower: "Continental 635, cleared for takeoff behind Eastern 702,
contact Departure on frequency 124.7. Did you copy that report from
Eastern 702?"

Continental 635: "Continental 635, cleared for takeoff, roger...and
yes, we copied Eastern. We've already notified our caterers."
....................................................................................................


3

"TWA 2341, for noise abatement turn right 45 Degrees."
"Center, we are at 35,000 feet. How much noise can we make up here?"
"Sir, have you ever heard the noise a 747 makes when it hits a 727?"

martin

"An eye for an eye makes the whole world blind"
Gandhi


ROTFLMAO! More, more...
Click to expand...
You asked for it...

From an unknown aircraft waiting in a very long takeoff queue: "I'm
f***ing bored!"

Ground Traffic Control: "Last aircraft transmitting, identify yourself
immediately!"

Unknown aircraft: "I said I was f***ing bored, not f***ing stupid!"




O'Hare Approach Control to a 747: "United 329 heavy, your traffic is a
Fokker, one o'clock , three miles, Eastbound."

United 239: "Approach, I've always wanted to say this... I've got the
little Fokker in sight."




A DC-10 had come in a little hot and thus had an exceedingly long roll
out after touching down. San Jose Tower Noted: "American 751, make a
hard right turn at the end of the runway, if you are able. If you are
not able, take the Guadeloupe exit off Highway 101, make a right at the
lights and return to the airport."


Chris.
 
A few more for your aircraft jokes for your reading pleasure.

-------------------------------------------------------------------

In his book," Sled Driver," SR- 71/ Blackbird pilot Brian Shul
writes:

"I'll always remember a certain radio exchange that occurred one day
as Walt (his backseater) and I were screaming across Southern
California 13 miles high. We were monitoring various radio
transmissions from other aircraft as we entered Los Angeles
airspace."

"Though they didn't really control us, they did monitor our movement
across their scope. I heard a Cessna ask for a readout of its ground speed.
90 knots" Center replied.

Moments later, a Twin Beech required the same. "120 knots," Center
answered. "We weren't the only ones proud of our ground speed that
day..as almost instantly an F-18 smugly transmitted, "Ah, Center, Dusty 52
requests ground speed readout." "There was a slight pause, then the
response, 525 knots on the ground, Dusty".

"Another silent pause. As I was thinking to myself how ripe a
situation this was, I heard a familiar click of a radio transmission
coming from my backseater. It was at that precise moment I realized Walt
and I had become a real crew, for we were both thinking in unison.
"Center, Aspen 20, you got a ground speed readout for us? " There was
a longer than normal pause: "Aspen, I show 1,742 knots"

"No further ground speed inquiries were heard on that frequency"

-------------------------------------------------------------------

In another famous SR-71 story, Los Angeles Center reported receiving
a request for clearance to FL 60 (60,000ft). The incredulous
controller, with some disdain in his voice, asked, "How do you plan
to get up to 60,000 feet? The pilot (obviously a sled driver), responded,
" We don't plan to go up to it, we plan to go down to it."

He was cleared...

--------------------------------------------------------------------

A student became lost during a solo cross-country flight. While
attempting to locate the aircraft on radar, ATC asked, "What was your last
known position?"

Student: "When I was number one for takeoff".

--------------------------------------------------------------------

Taxiing down the tarmac, the DC10 abruptly stopped, turned around
and returned to the gate. After an hour-long wait, it finally took
off. A concerned passenger asked the flight attendant, "What,
exactly, was the problem?"

"The pilot was bothered by a noise he heard in the engine,"
explained the flight attendant. "It took us a while to find a new pilot."

--------------------------------------------------------------------

Overheard on an American Airlines flight into Amarillo, Texas, on a
particularly windy and bumpy day. During the final approach the Captain was
really having to fight it. After an extremely hard landing, the Flight
Attendant came on the PA and announced, "Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome to
Amarillo. Please remain in your seats with your seatbelts fastened while the
Captain taxis what's left of our airplane to the gate!"

--------------------------------------------------------------------

Another flight attendant's comment on a less than perfect landing: "We ask
you to please remain seated as Captain Kangaroo bounces us to the terminal."

--------------------------------------------------------------------

An airline pilot wrote that on this particular flight he had hammered his
ship into the runway really hard. The airline had a policy which required
the first officer to stand at the door while the Passengers exited, smile,
and give them a "Thanks for flying XYZ airline." He said that in light of
his bad landing, he had a hard time looking the passengers in the eye,
thinking that someone would have a smart comment. Finally everyone had
gotten off except for this little old lady walking with a cane. She said,
"Sonny, mind if I ask you a question?" "Why no Ma'am," said the pilot, "what
is it?" The little old lady said, "Did we land or were we shot down?"

--------------------------------------------------------------------

--
James T. White
 
James T. White wrote:
A few more for your aircraft jokes for your reading pleasure.

-------------------------------------------------------------------

In his book," Sled Driver," SR- 71/ Blackbird pilot Brian Shul
writes:

"I'll always remember a certain radio exchange that occurred one day
as Walt (his backseater) and I were screaming across Southern
California 13 miles high. We were monitoring various radio
transmissions from other aircraft as we entered Los Angeles
airspace."

"Though they didn't really control us, they did monitor our movement
across their scope. I heard a Cessna ask for a readout of its ground speed.
90 knots" Center replied.

Moments later, a Twin Beech required the same. "120 knots," Center
answered. "We weren't the only ones proud of our ground speed that
day..as almost instantly an F-18 smugly transmitted, "Ah, Center, Dusty 52
requests ground speed readout." "There was a slight pause, then the
response, 525 knots on the ground, Dusty".

"Another silent pause. As I was thinking to myself how ripe a
situation this was, I heard a familiar click of a radio transmission
coming from my backseater. It was at that precise moment I realized Walt
and I had become a real crew, for we were both thinking in unison.
"Center, Aspen 20, you got a ground speed readout for us? " There was
a longer than normal pause: "Aspen, I show 1,742 knots"

"No further ground speed inquiries were heard on that frequency"

-------------------------------------------------------------------

In another famous SR-71 story, Los Angeles Center reported receiving
a request for clearance to FL 60 (60,000ft). The incredulous
controller, with some disdain in his voice, asked, "How do you plan
to get up to 60,000 feet? The pilot (obviously a sled driver), responded,
" We don't plan to go up to it, we plan to go down to it."

He was cleared...

--------------------------------------------------------------------

A student became lost during a solo cross-country flight. While
attempting to locate the aircraft on radar, ATC asked, "What was your last
known position?"

Student: "When I was number one for takeoff".

--------------------------------------------------------------------

Taxiing down the tarmac, the DC10 abruptly stopped, turned around
and returned to the gate. After an hour-long wait, it finally took
off. A concerned passenger asked the flight attendant, "What,
exactly, was the problem?"

"The pilot was bothered by a noise he heard in the engine,"
explained the flight attendant. "It took us a while to find a new pilot."

--------------------------------------------------------------------

Overheard on an American Airlines flight into Amarillo, Texas, on a
particularly windy and bumpy day. During the final approach the Captain was
really having to fight it. After an extremely hard landing, the Flight
Attendant came on the PA and announced, "Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome to
Amarillo. Please remain in your seats with your seatbelts fastened while the
Captain taxis what's left of our airplane to the gate!"

--------------------------------------------------------------------

Another flight attendant's comment on a less than perfect landing: "We ask
you to please remain seated as Captain Kangaroo bounces us to the terminal."

--------------------------------------------------------------------

An airline pilot wrote that on this particular flight he had hammered his
ship into the runway really hard. The airline had a policy which required
the first officer to stand at the door while the Passengers exited, smile,
and give them a "Thanks for flying XYZ airline." He said that in light of
his bad landing, he had a hard time looking the passengers in the eye,
thinking that someone would have a smart comment. Finally everyone had
gotten off except for this little old lady walking with a cane. She said,
"Sonny, mind if I ask you a question?" "Why no Ma'am," said the pilot, "what
is it?" The little old lady said, "Did we land or were we shot down?"

--------------------------------------------------------------------
Click to expand...
I flew in a 777 to Chicago once. The landing was so smooth it was
undetectable by the passengers, until the pilot put the engines in
reverse. He got an well deserved ovation from the passengers.

OTOH I flew from Napier to Hawera in a single-engined plane, thru a
thunderstorm. Turbulence was so sever the pilot was sweating profusely
and uttering a continuous stream of profanities as he struggled to keep
the two of us aloft. We made it, and I immediately rang my boss to
*tell* him I was hiring a car and driving back. I have never again flown
in a single-engined aircraft, nor will I.

Cheers
Terry
 
martin griffith wrote:
1
There's a story about the military pilot calling for a priority
landing because his single-engine jet fighter was running "a bit
peaked." Air Traffic Control told the fighter jock that he was number
two, behind an eight-engined B-52 that had one engine shut down.
"Ah,"
the fighter pilot remarked, "the dreaded seven-engine approach."

..................................................................................................
2

Tower: "Eastern 702, cleared for takeoff, contact Departure on
frequency 124.7"

Eastern 702: "Tower, Eastern 702 switching to Departure. By the way,
after we lifted off we saw some kind of dead animal on the far end of
the runway."

Tower: "Continental 635, cleared for takeoff behind Eastern 702,
contact Departure on frequency 124.7. Did you copy that report from
Eastern 702?"

Continental 635: "Continental 635, cleared for takeoff, roger...and
yes, we copied Eastern. We've already notified our caterers."

.....................................................................................................

3

"TWA 2341, for noise abatement turn right 45 Degrees."

"Center, we are at 35,000 feet. How much noise can we make up here?"

"Sir, have you ever heard the noise a 747 makes when it hits a 727?"

martin

"An eye for an eye makes the whole world blind"
Gandhi
Click to expand...

Funny Aviation Pics:
http://www.geocities.com/geodanah/oops1.html
http://www.geocities.com/geodanah/oops2.html
http://www.geocities.com/geodanah/oops3.html
 
On Tue, 15 Mar 2005 19:33:11 +1300, Terry Given <my_name@ieee.org>
wrote:

[snip]
I flew in a 777 to Chicago once. The landing was so smooth it was
undetectable by the passengers, until the pilot put the engines in
reverse. He got an well deserved ovation from the passengers.

OTOH I flew from Napier to Hawera in a single-engined plane, thru a
thunderstorm. Turbulence was so sever the pilot was sweating profusely
and uttering a continuous stream of profanities as he struggled to keep
the two of us aloft. We made it, and I immediately rang my boss to
*tell* him I was hiring a car and driving back. I have never again flown
in a single-engined aircraft, nor will I.

Cheers
Terry
Click to expand...
Try flying a 727 (IIRC, Texas International) from Colorado Springs to
Denver in a thunderstorm replete with golf-ball-sized hail.

Like your flight, much cursing from the flight deck, including a "get
the f... outta here", said to a stewardess who poked her head in.

I thought we would die.

When we landed there was much cheering and applause.

All our connecting flights were held to wait for us, and we were all
seated in first class.

...Jim Thompson
--
| James E.Thompson, P.E. | mens |
| Analog Innovations, Inc. | et |
| Analog/Mixed-Signal ASIC's and Discrete Systems | manus |
| Phoenix, Arizona Voice:(480)460-2350 | |
| E-mail Address at Website Fax:(480)460-2142 | Brass Rat |
| http://www.analog-innovations.com | 1962 |

I love to cook with wine. Sometimes I even put it in the food.
 
Jim Thompson wrote:
On Tue, 15 Mar 2005 19:33:11 +1300, Terry Given <my_name@ieee.org
wrote:

[snip]

I flew in a 777 to Chicago once. The landing was so smooth it was
undetectable by the passengers, until the pilot put the engines in
reverse. He got an well deserved ovation from the passengers.

OTOH I flew from Napier to Hawera in a single-engined plane, thru a
thunderstorm. Turbulence was so sever the pilot was sweating profusely
and uttering a continuous stream of profanities as he struggled to keep
the two of us aloft. We made it, and I immediately rang my boss to
*tell* him I was hiring a car and driving back. I have never again flown
in a single-engined aircraft, nor will I.

Cheers
Terry


Try flying a 727 (IIRC, Texas International) from Colorado Springs to
Denver in a thunderstorm replete with golf-ball-sized hail.

Like your flight, much cursing from the flight deck, including a "get
the f... outta here", said to a stewardess who poked her head in.

I thought we would die.

When we landed there was much cheering and applause.

All our connecting flights were held to wait for us, and we were all
seated in first class.

...Jim Thompson
Click to expand...
It changes your perspective on life, I reckon.

I have a buddy in Oz who *was* a helicopter pilot for 10 years or so. He
spent 18 months fighting bush fires around Sydney, and told me of his
last flight - every warning light blinking furiously, almost no fuel, 6
burly firefighters on board and zero visibility - the ground all around
was burning, nothing but smoke and flames. Paul made it out, but the
next day he felt too ill to even walk. He reckoned it was his body's way
of saying "you just used 8 of your 9 lives" so he quit the next day, and
went and became a property valuer (his degree, 15 years earlier)

Cheers
Terry
 
I posted a photo on a.b.s.e. (Subject: OT: Aircraft Humor)


--
Paul Hovnanian mailto:paul@Hovnanian.com
------------------------------------------------------------------
If everything is coming your way then you're in the wrong lane.
 
martin griffith wrote:
1
There's a story about the military pilot calling for a priority
landing because his single-engine jet fighter was running "a bit
peaked." Air Traffic Control told the fighter jock that he was number
two, behind an eight-engined B-52 that had one engine shut down.
"Ah,"
the fighter pilot remarked, "the dreaded seven-engine approach."

..................................................................................................
2

Tower: "Eastern 702, cleared for takeoff, contact Departure on
frequency 124.7"

Eastern 702: "Tower, Eastern 702 switching to Departure. By the way,
after we lifted off we saw some kind of dead animal on the far end of
the runway."

Tower: "Continental 635, cleared for takeoff behind Eastern 702,
contact Departure on frequency 124.7. Did you copy that report from
Eastern 702?"

Continental 635: "Continental 635, cleared for takeoff, roger...and
yes, we copied Eastern. We've already notified our caterers."

.....................................................................................................

3

"TWA 2341, for noise abatement turn right 45 Degrees."

"Center, we are at 35,000 feet. How much noise can we make up here?"

"Sir, have you ever heard the noise a 747 makes when it hits a 727?"

martin

"An eye for an eye makes the whole world blind"
Gandhi
Click to expand...

Funny Aviation Pics:
http://www.geocities.com/geodanah/oops1.html
http://www.geocities.com/geodanah/oops2.html
http://www.geocities.com/geodanah/oops3.html
 
martin griffith wrote:
On Tue, 15 Mar 2005 10:01:57 +1300, in sci.electronics.design Terry
Given <my_name@ieee.org> wrote:


martin griffith wrote:

1
There's a story about the military pilot calling for a priority
landing because his single-engine jet fighter was running "a bit
peaked." Air Traffic Control told the fighter jock that he was number
two, behind an eight-engined B-52 that had one engine shut down. "Ah,"
the fighter pilot remarked, "the dreaded seven-engine approach."
.................................................................................................
2

Tower: "Eastern 702, cleared for takeoff, contact Departure on
frequency 124.7"

Eastern 702: "Tower, Eastern 702 switching to Departure. By the way,
after we lifted off we saw some kind of dead animal on the far end of
the runway."

Tower: "Continental 635, cleared for takeoff behind Eastern 702,
contact Departure on frequency 124.7. Did you copy that report from
Eastern 702?"

Continental 635: "Continental 635, cleared for takeoff, roger...and
yes, we copied Eastern. We've already notified our caterers."
....................................................................................................

3

"TWA 2341, for noise abatement turn right 45 Degrees."

"Center, we are at 35,000 feet. How much noise can we make up here?"

"Sir, have you ever heard the noise a 747 makes when it hits a 727?"

martin

"An eye for an eye makes the whole world blind"
Gandhi

ROTFLMAO! More, more...

Cheers
Terry

While taxiing at London's Gatwick Airport, the crew of a US Air flight
departing for Ft. Lauderdale made a wrong turn and came nose to nose
with a United 727. An irate female ATC ground controller lashed out at

the US Air crew, screaming: "US Air 2771, where the hell are you
going? I told you to turn right onto Charlie taxiway! You turned right
on Delta! Stop right there. I know it's difficult for you to tell the
difference between C and D, but get it right!"

Continuing her rage to the embarrassed crew, she was now shouting
hysterically: "God! Now you've screwed everything up! It'll take
forever to sort this out! You stay right there and don't move till I
tell you to! You can expect progressive taxi instructions in about
half an hour and I want you to go exactly where I tell you, when I
tell you, and how I tell you! You got that, US Air 2771?"

"Yes, ma'am," the humbled crew responded.

Naturally, the ground control communications frequency fell terribly
silent after the verbal bashing of US Air 2771. Nobody wanted to
chance engaging the irate ground controller in her current state of
mind. Tension in every cockpit out around Gatwick was definitely
running high.

Just then an unknown pilot broke the silence and keyed his microphone,
asking: "Wasn't I married to you once?"


martin
Click to expand...
ROTFLMAO! Beautiful....

Cheers
Terry
 
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