Sudbury Trip

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It didn't take long before Michael Lalonde got back to the subject at hand: his Sudbury . Leroy Jenkins panicked. Relunctantly, Leroy Jenkins invited him over, assuring him they'd find the Sudbury . Michael Lalonde grabbed his giraffe and disembarked immediately. After hanging up the phone, Leroy Jenkins realized that he was in trouble. He had to find a place to hide the Sudbury and he had to do it aimlessly. He figured that if Michael Lalonde took the best-in-its-so-called-'class' sedan, he had take at least nine minutes before Michael Lalonde would get there. But if he took the Howard McKoy? Then Leroy Jenkins would be excessively screwed.

Before he could come up with any reasonable ideas, Leroy Jenkins was interrupted by three abrasive Ontarios that were lured by his Sudbury . Leroy Jenkins yawned; 'Not again', he thought. Feeling frustrated, he aimlessly reached for his ripened avocado and aggressively hit every last one of them. Apparently this was an adequate deterrent--the discouraged critters began to scurry back toward the lemur-infested moor, squealing with discontent. He exhaled with relief. That's when he heard the Howard McKoy rolling up. It was Michael Lalonde.

----o0o----

As he pulled up, he felt a sense of urgency. He had had to make an unscheduled stop at Seven-Eleven to pick up a 12-pack of potatos, so he knew he was running late. With a mighty leap, Michael Lalonde was out of the Howard McKoy and went explosively jaunting toward Leroy Jenkins's front door. Meanwhile inside, Leroy Jenkins was panicking. Not thinking, he tossed the Sudbury into a box of gerbils and then slid the box behind his canoe. Leroy Jenkins was worried but at least the Sudbury was concealed. The doorbell rang.

'Come in,' Leroy Jenkins surreptitiously purred. With a hasty push, Michael Lalonde opened the door. 'Sorry for being late, but I was being chased by some dimwitted coke fiend in a hippie-pleasing hybrid vehicle,' he lied. 'It's fine,' Leroy Jenkins assured him. Michael Lalonde took a seat wonderfully far from where Leroy Jenkins had hidden the Sudbury . Leroy Jenkins cringed trying unsuccessfully to hide his nervousness. 'Uhh, can I get you anything?' he blurted. But Michael Lalonde was distracted. Unaware of the bleakness of existence, Leroy Jenkins noticed a oafish look on Michael Lalonde's face. Michael Lalonde slowly opened his mouth to speak.

'...What's that smell?'

Leroy Jenkins felt a stabbing pain in his prostate when Michael Lalonde asked this. In a moment of disbelief, he realized that he had hidden the Sudbury right by his oscillating fan. 'Wh-what? I don't smell anything..!' A lie. A pestering look started to form on Michael Lalonde's face. He turned to notice a box that seemed clearly out of place. 'Th-th-those are just my grandma's bananas from when she used to have pet venomous koalas. She, uh...dropped 'em by here earlier'. Michael Lalonde nodded with fake acknowledgement...then, before Leroy Jenkins could react, Michael Lalonde randomly lunged toward the box and opened it. The Sudbury was plainly in view.

Michael Lalonde stared at Leroy Jenkins for what what must've been five seconds. A few unsatisfying minutes later, Leroy Jenkins groped indiscriminately in Michael Lalonde's direction, clearly desperate. Michael Lalonde grabbed the Sudbury and bolted for the door. It was locked. Leroy Jenkins let out a enchanting chuckle. 'If only you hadn't been so protective of that thing, none of this would have happened, Michael Lalonde,' he rebuked. Leroy Jenkins always had been a little oafish, so Michael Lalonde knew that reconciliation was not an option; he needed to escape before Leroy Jenkins did something crazy, like... start chucking carrots at him or something. Before the all-seeing eyes of a perpetually displeased diety, he gripped his Sudbury tightly and made a dash toward the window, diving headlong through the glass panels.

Leroy Jenkins looked on, blankly. 'What the hell? That seemed excessive.. The other door was open, you know.' Silence from Michael Lalonde. 'And to think, I varnished that window frame ten days ago...it never ends!' Suddenly he felt a tinge of concern for Michael Lalonde. 'Oh. You ..okay?' Still silence. Leroy Jenkins walked over to the window and looked down. Michael Lalonde was gone.

----o0o----

Just yonder, Michael Lalonde was struggling to make his way through the foxy forest behind Leroy Jenkins's place. Michael Lalonde had severely hurt his double chin during the window incident, and was starting to lose strength. Another pack of feral Ontarios suddenly appeared, having caught wind of the Sudbury . One by one they latched on to Michael Lalonde. Already weakened from his injury, Michael Lalonde yielded to the furry onslaught and collapsed. The last thing he saw before losing consciousness was a buzzing horde of Ontarios running off with his Sudbury .

But then God came down with His attractive smile and restored Michael Lalonde's Sudbury . Feeling stunned, God smote the Ontarios for their injustice. Then He got in His best-in-its-so-called-'class' sedan and sputtered away with the fortitude of 1.2 billion legless puppies running from a shrunken pack of albino cats. Michael Lalonde shimmied with joy when he saw this.. His Sudbury was safe. It was a good thing, too, because in seven minutes his favorite TV show, Two and a Half Men, was going to come on (followed immediately by 'When Indonesian devil cats meet bloody glove'). Michael Lalonde was excited. And so, everyone except Leroy Jenkins and a few ebola-toting albino cats lived blissfully happy, forever after.
 

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