OT: The Parrot

J

Jim Thompson

Guest
A young man named John received a parrot as a gift. The parrot had a
bad attitude and an even worse vocabulary. Every word out of the
bird's mouth was rude, obnoxious and laced with profanity. John tried
and tried to change the bird's attitude by consistently saying only
polite words, playing soft music and anything else he could think of
to "clean up" the bird's vocabulary. Finally, John was fed up and he
yelled at the parrot. The parrot yelled back. John shook the parrot
and the parrot got angrier and even ruder. John, in desperation, threw
up his hand, grabbed the bird and put him in the freezer.

For a few minutes the parrot squawked and kicked and screamed. Then
suddenly there was total quiet. Not a peep was heard for over a
minute. Fearing that he'd hurt the parrot, John quickly opened the
door to the freezer. The parrot calmly stepped out onto John's
outstretched arms and said "I believe I may have offended you with my
rude language and actions I'm sincerely remorseful for my
inappropriate transgressions and I fully intend to do everything I can
to correct my rude and unforgivable behavior." John was stunned at the
change in the bird's attitude. As he was about to ask the parrot what
had made such a dramatic change in his behavior, the bird continued,
"May I ask what the turkey did?"

HAPPY THANKSGIVING!


...Jim Thompson
--
| James E.Thompson, P.E. | mens |
| Analog Innovations, Inc. | et |
| Analog/Mixed-Signal ASIC's and Discrete Systems | manus |
| Phoenix, Arizona Voice:(480)460-2350 | |
| E-mail Address at Website Fax:(480)460-2142 | Brass Rat |
| http://www.analog-innovations.com | 1962 |

I love to cook with wine. Sometimes I even put it in the food.
 
:D

Tim

--
"I've got more trophies than Wayne Gretsky and the Pope combined!"
- Homer Simpson
Website @ http://webpages.charter.net/dawill/tmoranwms

"Jim Thompson" <thegreatone@example.com> wrote in message
news:l4u6q0prvkgvibsqp6cr2bff7jcbvhjjem@4ax.com...
A young man named John received a parrot as a gift. The parrot had a
bad attitude and an even worse vocabulary. Every word out of the
bird's mouth was rude, obnoxious and laced with profanity. John tried
and tried to change the bird's attitude by consistently saying only
polite words, playing soft music and anything else he could think of
to "clean up" the bird's vocabulary. Finally, John was fed up and he
yelled at the parrot. The parrot yelled back. John shook the parrot
and the parrot got angrier and even ruder. John, in desperation, threw
up his hand, grabbed the bird and put him in the freezer.

For a few minutes the parrot squawked and kicked and screamed. Then
suddenly there was total quiet. Not a peep was heard for over a
minute. Fearing that he'd hurt the parrot, John quickly opened the
door to the freezer. The parrot calmly stepped out onto John's
outstretched arms and said "I believe I may have offended you with my
rude language and actions I'm sincerely remorseful for my
inappropriate transgressions and I fully intend to do everything I can
to correct my rude and unforgivable behavior." John was stunned at the
change in the bird's attitude. As he was about to ask the parrot what
had made such a dramatic change in his behavior, the bird continued,
"May I ask what the turkey did?"

HAPPY THANKSGIVING!


...Jim Thompson
--
| James E.Thompson, P.E. | mens |
| Analog Innovations, Inc. | et |
| Analog/Mixed-Signal ASIC's and Discrete Systems | manus |
| Phoenix, Arizona Voice:(480)460-2350 | |
| E-mail Address at Website Fax:(480)460-2142 | Brass Rat |
| http://www.analog-innovations.com | 1962 |

I love to cook with wine. Sometimes I even put it in the food.
Click to expand...
 
"Glenn Gundlach" <stratus46@yahoo.com> wrote in message
news:acb22b57.0411231528.34f38491@posting.google.com...
Jim Thompson <thegreatone@example.com> wrote in message
news:<l4u6q0prvkgvibsqp6cr2bff7jcbvhjjem@4ax.com>...
A young man named John received a parrot as a gift. The parrot had a
bad attitude and an even worse vocabulary. Every word out of the
bird's mouth was rude, obnoxious and laced with profanity. John
tried
and tried to change the bird's attitude by consistently saying only
polite words, playing soft music and anything else he could think of
to "clean up" the bird's vocabulary. Finally, John was fed up and he
yelled at the parrot. The parrot yelled back. John shook the parrot
and the parrot got angrier and even ruder. John, in desperation,
threw
up his hand, grabbed the bird and put him in the freezer.

For a few minutes the parrot squawked and kicked and screamed. Then
suddenly there was total quiet. Not a peep was heard for over a
minute. Fearing that he'd hurt the parrot, John quickly opened the
door to the freezer. The parrot calmly stepped out onto John's
outstretched arms and said "I believe I may have offended you with
my
rude language and actions I'm sincerely remorseful for my
inappropriate transgressions and I fully intend to do everything I
can
to correct my rude and unforgivable behavior." John was stunned at
the
change in the bird's attitude. As he was about to ask the parrot
what
had made such a dramatic change in his behavior, the bird continued,
"May I ask what the turkey did?"

HAPPY THANKSGIVING!


...Jim Thompson
--
Click to expand...
Cute story - I think everyone here got this in their email last week.

But I'd like to make one categorically certain statement. One _never_
grabs a parrot.

Well, I take that back. One grabs a parrot only once. The next time he
will grab him with a hand with one less finger!!!
 
"Rhett Auricle" <rhett@example.com> wrote in message
news:pan.2004.11.24.01.26.24.587916@example.com...
On Tue, 23 Nov 2004 23:11:47 +0000, petrus bitbyter wrote:
"Jim Thompson" <thegreatone@example.com> schreef in bericht
...
change in the bird's attitude. As he was about to ask the parrot
what
had made such a dramatic change in his behavior, the bird
continued,
"May I ask what the turkey did?"

HAPPY THANKSGIVING!

Who repaired the light switch of the freezer? Apparently the light
did not
go off when the freezers door was closed.


Ah, grasshopper - the darkness enhances the effectiveness of the
punishment. "Hello? Dead turkey?..."
Click to expand...
No, silly! The parrot had one of Watt Sun's Super Duper LED
flashlights!
:p

;^j
R.
Click to expand...
 
On Tue, 23 Nov 2004 19:45:24 -0800, Watson A.Name - "Watt Sun, the Dark Remover" wrote:
"Rhett Auricle" <rhett@example.com> wrote in message
On Tue, 23 Nov 2004 23:11:47 +0000, petrus bitbyter wrote:
"Jim Thompson" <thegreatone@example.com> schreef in bericht
...
change in the bird's attitude. As he was about to ask the parrot
what
had made such a dramatic change in his behavior, the bird
continued,
"May I ask what the turkey did?"

HAPPY THANKSGIVING!

Who repaired the light switch of the freezer? Apparently the light
did not
go off when the freezers door was closed.


Ah, grasshopper - the darkness enhances the effectiveness of the
punishment. "Hello? Dead turkey?..."

No, silly! The parrot had one of Watt Sun's Super Duper LED
flashlights!
:p
Click to expand...
Not to go too too terribly off-topic, but has anyone come up with a
battery-operated, RF-triggered, LED in a glass eye? Obviously, only people
who can wear a glass eye could use it - but if you start talking SMD and
scleral...
 
On 25 Nov 2004 14:15:05 -0800, the renowned bill.sloman@ieee.org (Bill
Sloman) wrote:

Mac <foo@bar.net> wrote in message news:<pan.2004.11.25.07.09.20.71996@bar.net>...
On Tue, 23 Nov 2004 23:11:47 +0000, petrus bitbyter wrote:


"Jim Thompson" <thegreatone@example.com> schreef in bericht
news:l4u6q0prvkgvibsqp6cr2bff7jcbvhjjem@4ax.com...

big snip

Who repaired the light switch of the freezer? Apparently the light did not
go off when the freezers door was closed.

petrus bitbyter


So the story features a parrot capable of reasoning and conversing
interactively with a human, but the part that you find implausible is that
the parrot can see in the dark?

Interesting. ;-)

Tecumseh Fitch, who knows a bit about animal language

http://www.st-andrews.ac.uk/~wtsf/

has been known to say that the African Grey Parrot is the best
non-human speaker around, and can do quite a bit better than mere
parroting.

http://www.alexfoundation.org/research/articles/harvard/harvard.html

So I guess the idea of the parrot seeing in the dark is more
implausible, because no creature's eye works in the dark.
Click to expand...
Maybe the parrot went through Seth Brundle's TelePod and had her DNA
fused with that of a firefly-- "Pollyfly". Or perhaps with fused with
an Angler Fish.


Best regards,
Spehro Pefhany
--
"it's the network..." "The Journey is the reward"
speff@interlog.com Info for manufacturers: http://www.trexon.com
Embedded software/hardware/analog Info for designers: http://www.speff.com
 
On Thu, 25 Nov 2004 22:51:07 GMT, the renowned Fred Bloggs
<nospam@nospam.com> wrote:

Bill Sloman wrote:
Mac <foo@bar.net> wrote in message news:<pan.2004.11.25.07.09.20.71996@bar.net>...

On Tue, 23 Nov 2004 23:11:47 +0000, petrus bitbyter wrote:


"Jim Thompson" <thegreatone@example.com> schreef in bericht
news:l4u6q0prvkgvibsqp6cr2bff7jcbvhjjem@4ax.com...


big snip


Who repaired the light switch of the freezer? Apparently the light did not
go off when the freezers door was closed.

petrus bitbyter


So the story features a parrot capable of reasoning and conversing
interactively with a human, but the part that you find implausible is that
the parrot can see in the dark?

Interesting. ;-)


Tecumseh Fitch, who knows a bit about animal language

http://www.st-andrews.ac.uk/~wtsf/

has been known to say that the African Grey Parrot is the best
non-human speaker around, and can do quite a bit better than mere
parroting.

Okay- well that puts it head and shoulders above "Clarence" on the
evolutionary scale.
Click to expand...
Ah, but can it handle apostrophes?


Best regards,
Spehro Pefhany
--
"it's the network..." "The Journey is the reward"
speff@interlog.com Info for manufacturers: http://www.trexon.com
Embedded software/hardware/analog Info for designers: http://www.speff.com
 
On Thu, 25 Nov 2004 22:51:07 +0000, Fred Bloggs wrote:

Bill Sloman wrote:
Mac <foo@bar.net> wrote in message news:<pan.2004.11.25.07.09.20.71996@bar.net>...

On Tue, 23 Nov 2004 23:11:47 +0000, petrus bitbyter wrote:


"Jim Thompson" <thegreatone@example.com> schreef in bericht
news:l4u6q0prvkgvibsqp6cr2bff7jcbvhjjem@4ax.com...


big snip


Who repaired the light switch of the freezer? Apparently the light did not
go off when the freezers door was closed.

petrus bitbyter


So the story features a parrot capable of reasoning and conversing
interactively with a human, but the part that you find implausible is that
the parrot can see in the dark?

Interesting. ;-)


Tecumseh Fitch, who knows a bit about animal language

http://www.st-andrews.ac.uk/~wtsf/

has been known to say that the African Grey Parrot is the best
non-human speaker around, and can do quite a bit better than mere
parroting.

Okay- well that puts it head and shoulders above "Clarence" on the
evolutionary scale.
Click to expand...
The parrot doesn't have to see in the dark. It can see the turkey carcass
lying there as it's being put in with it. The Door Closes. Slam! It's
pitch black. No light. No sound. And C-C-C-COLD! Can't you just see this
poor parrot, who had just seen the turkey, saying, tentatively, "Turkey?
Uh, hello? Um, are you OK?..."

;-
Rich
Click to expand...
 
On Fri, 26 Nov 2004 00:12:30 +0000, petrus bitbyter wrote:

"Mac" <foo@bar.net> schreef in bericht
news:pan.2004.11.25.07.09.20.71996@bar.net...
On Tue, 23 Nov 2004 23:11:47 +0000, petrus bitbyter wrote:


"Jim Thompson" <thegreatone@example.com> schreef in bericht
news:l4u6q0prvkgvibsqp6cr2bff7jcbvhjjem@4ax.com...
A young man named John received a parrot as a gift. The parrot had a
bad attitude and an even worse vocabulary. Every word out of the
bird's mouth was rude, obnoxious and laced with profanity. John tried
and tried to change the bird's attitude by consistently saying only
polite words, playing soft music and anything else he could think of
to "clean up" the bird's vocabulary. Finally, John was fed up and he
yelled at the parrot. The parrot yelled back. John shook the parrot
and the parrot got angrier and even ruder. John, in desperation, threw
up his hand, grabbed the bird and put him in the freezer.

For a few minutes the parrot squawked and kicked and screamed. Then
suddenly there was total quiet. Not a peep was heard for over a
minute. Fearing that he'd hurt the parrot, John quickly opened the
door to the freezer. The parrot calmly stepped out onto John's
outstretched arms and said "I believe I may have offended you with my
rude language and actions I'm sincerely remorseful for my
inappropriate transgressions and I fully intend to do everything I can
to correct my rude and unforgivable behavior." John was stunned at the
change in the bird's attitude. As he was about to ask the parrot what
had made such a dramatic change in his behavior, the bird continued,
"May I ask what the turkey did?"

HAPPY THANKSGIVING!


...Jim Thompson
--
| James E.Thompson, P.E. | mens |
| Analog Innovations, Inc. | et |
| Analog/Mixed-Signal ASIC's and Discrete Systems | manus |
| Phoenix, Arizona Voice:(480)460-2350 | |
| E-mail Address at Website Fax:(480)460-2142 | Brass Rat |
| http://www.analog-innovations.com | 1962 |

I love to cook with wine. Sometimes I even put it in the food.


Who repaired the light switch of the freezer? Apparently the light did
not
go off when the freezers door was closed.

petrus bitbyter


So the story features a parrot capable of reasoning and conversing
interactively with a human, but the part that you find implausible is that
the parrot can see in the dark?

Interesting. ;-)

--Mac


I always try to keep my mouth shut about things I don't understand. I heard
witnesses about talking parrots. Some told me they speak more reasonable
then a lot of humans. I had no opertunity to check it out so I keep my
opinion - suppose I have one - behind my teeth. But nobody ever told me
about a parrot that can see in the dark. I also know that even the most
sensitive equipment cannot make any light visible if there is none. So there
raised some question about the technical side of this story. That's the side
I understand and can talk about with some authority.
Click to expand...
It's not a story. It is a joke. It is not meant to be realistic, and the
main tip-off is the ability of the parrot not only to speak, which parrots
are well-known to do, but to hold an intelligent conversation and to
reason at the same level we might expect from a human.

[snip]

petrus bitbyter

--Mac
Click to expand...
 
On Thu, 25 Nov 2004 14:15:05 -0800, Bill Sloman wrote:

Mac <foo@bar.net> wrote in message
news:<pan.2004.11.25.07.09.20.71996@bar.net>...
On Tue, 23 Nov 2004 23:11:47 +0000, petrus bitbyter wrote:


"Jim Thompson" <thegreatone@example.com> schreef in bericht
news:l4u6q0prvkgvibsqp6cr2bff7jcbvhjjem@4ax.com...

big snip

Who repaired the light switch of the freezer? Apparently the light
did not go off when the freezers door was closed.

petrus bitbyter


So the story features a parrot capable of reasoning and conversing
interactively with a human, but the part that you find implausible is
that the parrot can see in the dark?

Interesting. ;-)

Tecumseh Fitch, who knows a bit about animal language

http://www.st-andrews.ac.uk/~wtsf/

has been known to say that the African Grey Parrot is the best non-human
speaker around, and can do quite a bit better than mere parroting.

http://www.alexfoundation.org/research/articles/harvard/harvard.html

So I guess the idea of the parrot seeing in the dark is more
implausible, because no creature's eye works in the dark.


You have got to be kidding me. I mean, either you are a moron or a troll.
Click to expand...
You snipped the original post (which was a JOKE, not a story claiming to
report factual events), but the level of conversational ability and
intelligence depicted in the JOKE were so far beyond what is possible of a
parrot that there is no point in talking about which is less plausible,
because they are both totally impossible.

My point, which I didn't think I need to make explicitly, was that the
depiction of the parrot as highly intelligent and fluent clearly put the
JOKE beyond the reach of petty nitpicks about what is and is not possible
regarding seeing in the freezer.

Besides, even parrots possess senses other than sight and hearing, and the
parrot in question could, perhaps, have detected the dead turkey using
these other senses.

------
Bill Sloman, Nijmegen
Click to expand...
--Mac
 
On Sat, 27 Nov 2004 02:51:19 -0800, Winfield Hill wrote:

Mac wrote...

You have got to be kidding me. ...

There's got to be something more useful to discuss than this line of
thought. Well, I did enjoy the mention that no one "grabs" a parrot.
Not twice anyway!
Click to expand...
I agree with you on both counts.

In fact I probably shouldn't have replied to Bill Sloman at all.

--Mac
 
Winfield Hill wrote:
Mac wrote...

You have got to be kidding me. ...


There's got to be something more useful to discuss than this line of
thought. Well, I did enjoy the mention that no one "grabs" a parrot.
Not twice anyway!
Click to expand...
I know what you mean- I was taking care of some big thing like that for
a few days and it was the meanest bird ever. The thing was constantly
and maniacally sharpening its razor sharp beak on some kind of seashell
and just waiting for someone to come within strike range. It was a life
threatening event just to change its water.
 
"Mac" <foo@bar.net> schreef in bericht
news:pan.2004.11.27.06.54.50.352050@bar.net...
On Fri, 26 Nov 2004 00:12:30 +0000, petrus bitbyter wrote:


"Mac" <foo@bar.net> schreef in bericht
news:pan.2004.11.25.07.09.20.71996@bar.net...
On Tue, 23 Nov 2004 23:11:47 +0000, petrus bitbyter wrote:


"Jim Thompson" <thegreatone@example.com> schreef in bericht
news:l4u6q0prvkgvibsqp6cr2bff7jcbvhjjem@4ax.com...
A young man named John received a parrot as a gift. The parrot had a
bad attitude and an even worse vocabulary. Every word out of the
bird's mouth was rude, obnoxious and laced with profanity. John tried
and tried to change the bird's attitude by consistently saying only
polite words, playing soft music and anything else he could think of
to "clean up" the bird's vocabulary. Finally, John was fed up and he
yelled at the parrot. The parrot yelled back. John shook the parrot
and the parrot got angrier and even ruder. John, in desperation, threw
up his hand, grabbed the bird and put him in the freezer.

For a few minutes the parrot squawked and kicked and screamed. Then
suddenly there was total quiet. Not a peep was heard for over a
minute. Fearing that he'd hurt the parrot, John quickly opened the
door to the freezer. The parrot calmly stepped out onto John's
outstretched arms and said "I believe I may have offended you with my
rude language and actions I'm sincerely remorseful for my
inappropriate transgressions and I fully intend to do everything I can
to correct my rude and unforgivable behavior." John was stunned at the
change in the bird's attitude. As he was about to ask the parrot what
had made such a dramatic change in his behavior, the bird continued,
"May I ask what the turkey did?"

HAPPY THANKSGIVING!


...Jim Thompson
--
| James E.Thompson, P.E. | mens |
| Analog Innovations, Inc. | et |
| Analog/Mixed-Signal ASIC's and Discrete Systems | manus |
| Phoenix, Arizona Voice:(480)460-2350 | |
| E-mail Address at Website Fax:(480)460-2142 | Brass Rat |
| http://www.analog-innovations.com | 1962 |

I love to cook with wine. Sometimes I even put it in the food.


Who repaired the light switch of the freezer? Apparently the light did
not
go off when the freezers door was closed.

petrus bitbyter


So the story features a parrot capable of reasoning and conversing
interactively with a human, but the part that you find implausible is
that
the parrot can see in the dark?

Interesting. ;-)

--Mac


I always try to keep my mouth shut about things I don't understand. I
heard
witnesses about talking parrots. Some told me they speak more reasonable
then a lot of humans. I had no opertunity to check it out so I keep my
opinion - suppose I have one - behind my teeth. But nobody ever told me
about a parrot that can see in the dark. I also know that even the most
sensitive equipment cannot make any light visible if there is none. So
there
raised some question about the technical side of this story. That's the
side
I understand and can talk about with some authority.


It's not a story. It is a joke. It is not meant to be realistic, and the
main tip-off is the ability of the parrot not only to speak, which parrots
are well-known to do, but to hold an intelligent conversation and to
reason at the same level we might expect from a human.

[snip]

petrus bitbyter

--Mac
Click to expand...
Well... er, thanks for the explanation.

petrus bitbyter


---
Outgoing mail is certified Virus Free.
Checked by AVG anti-virus system (http://www.grisoft.com).
Version: 6.0.799 / Virus Database: 543 - Release Date: 19-11-2004
 
Fred Bloggs wrote:
Winfield Hill wrote:

Mac wrote...

You have got to be kidding me. ...



There's got to be something more useful to discuss than this line of
thought. Well, I did enjoy the mention that no one "grabs" a parrot.
Not twice anyway!



I know what you mean- I was taking care of some big thing like that for
a few days and it was the meanest bird ever. The thing was constantly
and maniacally sharpening its razor sharp beak on some kind of seashell
and just waiting for someone to come within strike range. It was a life
threatening event just to change its water.
Click to expand...
I knew an african grey parrot that could imitate the telephone, and
cause people to try to answer it; imitiate a master calling a dog, and
get the dog to come running in; imitate the fighting of two sisters
simultaneously... the thing was wonderful. Thankfully, I never had to
change its water.

--
Regards,
Robert Monsen

"Your Highness, I have no need of this hypothesis."
- Pierre Laplace (1749-1827), to Napoleon,
on why his works on celestial mechanics make no mention of God.
 
On Sat, 27 Nov 2004 17:49:10 +0000, petrus bitbyter wrote:
"Mac" <foo@bar.net> schreef in bericht
On Fri, 26 Nov 2004 00:12:30 +0000, petrus bitbyter wrote:
"Mac" <foo@bar.net> schreef in bericht
On Tue, 23 Nov 2004 23:11:47 +0000, petrus bitbyter wrote:
"Jim Thompson" <thegreatone@example.com> schreef in bericht
[actually, told some joke about a smartass parrot - I didn't hear
Click to expand...
all that much schreefing, and, well, truth be known, I don't even
know what a bericht is, but from the sounds of it, I should be glad
that I don't have one, especially one that can be schreefed in!]
....
raised some question about the technical side of this story. That's
the side I understand and can talk about with some authority.

It's not a story. It is a joke. It is not meant to be realistic, and
the main tip-off is the ability of the parrot not only to speak, which
parrots are well-known to do, but to hold an intelligent conversation
and to reason at the same level we might expect from a human.

--Mac

Well... er, thanks for the explanation.

petrus bitbyter
Click to expand...
Any time, I'm sure. ;-p

Cheers!
Rich

And I don't blame herbs for my idiocy, but they sure do make _me_ laugh at
it!

;^j
 
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