OT: Identity crisis

[Rich The Newsgroup Wacko]

So, does any of my bullshit ever actually make people laugh out
loud?

I got this thing, that I picked up from Kermit: "Millions of
people happy". I've adopted that as my life-goal, and, of course,
charity begins at home.

But I've made live audiences laugh out loud, albeit never planned.
(well, once or twice, with a dynamite support staff, but things
change... Something will come up, and I'll come up with a quip,
and you know the rest.

I think I could do Vaudeville, but I think I would really suck at
stand-up, unless I could enlist a sympathetic heckler, such that
I could play him as my Vaudevillian straight man.

So, OK, I'm AFU, somebody feed me a straight line!
....<ponder>...
OK, it's third proofreading, and this post leaves something to be
desired.
It needs a joke.

Well, I made up a joke once - actually, I've made up two jokes,
but I forgot the funny one, so I'll use this one:

Q: How many white guys does it take to replace a light bulb?
A: One.
--
Thanks!
Rich
------
"A hearty young fellow named Yost
Once had an affair with a ghost.
At the height of the spasm
The poor ectoplasm
Cried, "Goodie, I feel it ... almost.""

 

[Ban]

Rich The Newsgroup Wacko wrote:

So, does any of my bullshit ever actually make people laugh out
loud?

I got this thing, that I picked up from Kermit: "Millions of
people happy". I've adopted that as my life-goal, and, of course,
charity begins at home.

Rich, I do not want to laugh about others only about myself or the
situation. Thus your posts make me rather sad or compassionate, because IMHO
you suffer a lot.

But I've made live audiences laugh out loud, albeit never planned.
(well, once or twice, with a dynamite support staff, but things
change... Something will come up, and I'll come up with a quip,
and you know the rest.

Do not focus so much on the outside or others. Try to go "inside", practice
meditation, accept yourself. Find out who you are, and respect your body and
mind!

I think I could do Vaudeville, but I think I would really suck at
stand-up, unless I could enlist a sympathetic heckler, such that
I could play him as my Vaudevillian straight man.

So, OK, I'm AFU, somebody feed me a straight line!
...<ponder>...
OK, it's third proofreading, and this post leaves something to be
desired.
It needs a joke.

Well, I made up a joke once - actually, I've made up two jokes,
but I forgot the funny one, so I'll use this one:

Q: How many white guys does it take to replace a light bulb?
A: One.

Do not play the clown, just be yourself as nature has created you. Be gentle
with yourself and others. Follow your path. Do not get confused, there is
nothing to decide.
--
ciao Ban
Bordighera, Italy

 

[Jonathan Kirwan]

On Tue, 02 Aug 2005 00:21:57 GMT, Rich The Newsgroup Wacko
<wacko@example.com> wrote:

snip
I think I could do Vaudeville, but I think I would really suck at
stand-up,
snip

Try Comedy Sportz, perhaps start taking classes from them and working
into actually doing shows for paying audiences with them. It's a lot
easier on your psyche (and frankly, a lot of fun and very satisfying
because everyone really wants you to do well in the skits, including
the audience) if you are just starting out, than is stand-up, IMO.
I'm speaking from experience (my wife does stand-up and Comedy Sportz
and writes scripts and does voices for radio programs -- I can
probably point you to some recorded broadcasts, if you want to listen
to her scripts and voice work.)

Jon

 

[Paul Burke]

Rich The Newsgroup Wacko wrote:

So, does any of my bullshit ever actually make people laugh out
loud?

I got this thing, that I picked up from Kermit: "Millions of
people happy". I've adopted that as my life-goal, and, of course,
charity begins at home.

There was once a young Irish fiddler, the old country jigs and reels and
all that. Nobody thought much of his music, there were always plenty of
good players over there. Then, one night after being ignored once more
in the pub session, he was walking back through the woods, when he heard
a tiny voice cry out: "Help, for pity's sake, help!"

He looked all around, and at first he couldn't see anything. But a shaft
of moonlight lit up the glade for a moment, and he saw a tiny little man
dressed in green, caught in a huge spider's web.

It was the work of a few moments to free him, and the little man's
gratitude overflowed. Of course, he was a leprechaun, and he granted
Paddy his dearest wish as a reward. "I'd love to be a good fiddler",
said Paddy. "Done as soon as said!" cried the leprechaun, "But tell me,
do you want to play to please yourself, or to please everyone else?"

"Well, I'd be happy just to please myself", said Paddy. "Well, if you're
sure about that, so be it", said the leprechaun, and in a twinkling he
was gone. Paddy walked home bemused, perhaps it was all a dream, too
much Guinness.

But the next evening, he got out his fiddle and thought about what had
passed. "I wonder, will it make a difference?" he thought. He
tentatively tried a tune... hey, that was good.. another, the Rakes of
Mallow, pouring out of his fiddle like nothing he had ever heard. It was
true!

You can be sure he could scarceley wait for the next session. He waited
for a lull in the music, then launched off into the Spinning Wheel,
lovely tune, perfect.... "Aw, shut the f*** up, Paddy, give us a break!"
People were actually leaving, what had gone wrong?

Walking back home disconsolately, there in the woods, who should he meet
but your man the leprechaun again. "Ah, I thought ye'd be back", he
said. "It didn't go according to plan then?"

"No, it sounded fine to me, but they all hated it", said Paddy. "Well",
said the leprechaun, "You could always try the other choice." "I'll give
it a try," replied Paddy. And once more the leprechaun vanished.

It was weeks before he had the heart to get out his fiddle again, alone
in the kitchen of his cottage. And the foul scraping noise that he made!
He persisted for perhaps half an hour, but each tune was worse than the
last, and in the end he put the fiddle away, vowing never to touch it again.

No sooner had he done so, than there was a hammering at the door.
Opening it, there he found Mick McGowan and Jimmy Moloney, the two best
musicians in the session. "What was that record you was playing there?"
they asked, "We was just passing by, we've never heard fiddling like
that, who was it?"

"I don't know what you mean, I was just scraping on the fiddle," said
Paddy, "I haven't got a record player or a radio." "God, man, that can't
have been you? Play it again!"

After much persuasion, he got out the fiddle again, and started a tune.
Boys of Blue Hill, as bad as any beginner, and he stopped half way
through. "There, I told you," he was just after saying. "Go on man,
that's marvellous," gasped the others, "Ye's been putting in some
practice on the QT!"

Paddy couldn't believe it, but they hauled him out to the pub, got all
the musicians of the area together, and the session that night was
remembered for years. Only Paddy hated every minute. Scrapes, screeches,
missed notes, forgot the tune ("Jaysus man, that's a wonderful turn ye's
put on it there!"), everything was wrong, and everybody was screaming
for more.

And that man the fiddler Paddy Glackin (google for him) is renowned to
this day. And widely known for his modesty, patience with learners, and
reluctance to put himself forward. And the moral is, if think only of
others, others will think of you. And if you think only of yourself,
nobody will think of you.

Q: How many white guys does it take to replace a light bulb?
A: One.

That explains why you haven't hacked it. If you want to tell racist
jokes, learn from the likes of Bernard Manning and Jim Davidson, I'm
sure the US has similar comedians. At least they are occasionally witty.

Paul Burke

 

[Rich The Newsgroup Wacko]

On Tue, 02 Aug 2005 04:44:56 +0000, Ban wrote:

Rich The Newsgroup Wacko wrote:
So, does any of my bullshit ever actually make people laugh out
loud?
....
Do not focus so much on the outside or others. Try to go "inside",
practice meditation, accept yourself. Find out who you are, and respect
your body and mind!

Oh, heavens, I've been "looking inside myself" for thirty years. I
just want to know if I'm as funny as I think I am.
--
Thanks!
Rich
------
"A Christian is a man who feels repentance on Sunday for what he did on
Saturday and is going to do on Monday."
-- Thomas Ybarra

 

[Jonathan Kirwan]

On Tue, 02 Aug 2005 18:42:30 GMT, Rich The Newsgroup Wacko
<wacko@example.com> wrote:

I just want to know if I'm as funny as I think I am.

Nope.

Jon

 

[Aubrey McIntosh, Ph.D.]

Rich The Newsgroup Wacko wrote:

Q: How many white guys does it take to replace a light bulb?
A: One.

But he's got to be really bright.

 

[Michael A. Terrell]

Jonathan Kirwan wrote:

On Tue, 02 Aug 2005 18:42:30 GMT, Rich The Newsgroup Wacko
wacko@example.com> wrote:

I just want to know if I'm as funny as I think I am.

Nope.

Jon

That's why I have all his schizophrenic identifies kill filed in
every newsgroup where he shows up.

--
Link to my "Computers for disabled Veterans" project website deleted
after threats were telephoned to my church.

Michael A. Terrell
Central Florida

 

[Rich The Newsgroup Wacko]

On Thu, 04 Aug 2005 02:21:25 +0000, Michael A. Terrell wrote:

Jonathan Kirwan wrote:

On Tue, 02 Aug 2005 18:42:30 GMT, Rich The Newsgroup Wacko
wacko@example.com> wrote:

I just want to know if I'm as funny as I think I am.

Nope.

Jon


That's why I have all his schizophrenic identifies kill filed in
every newsgroup where he shows up.

It's just as well - you've turned out to be quite an asshole anyway.
--
Cheers!
Rich
------
"So this elderly couple were sitting in their tiny cold water flat on the
lower East Side when the husband said, "Doris, we're in bad shape.
Inflation has eaten up our Social Security check. The next one isn't due
for a week and we've got no money left for food." "Could I do anything to
help?" she asked. "Yes," he said. "I hate to see you do this but it's the
only way. You're going to have to go out and hustle." "Me?" she asked.
"At the age of sixty-five?" "It's the only way," he said. Resigned to the
situation, she went out into the warm night. She came staggering in early
the next morning. "How did you do?" asked the husband. "Here," she said,
"I've got four dollars and ten cents." "Four dollars and ten cents," he
said . "Who gave you the ten cents?" "Everybody," she said."